Why Romance?
Our genre, whether we’re readers of it or writers of it, often gets very little respect. I could go on about how sad that is. How it’s a sad commentary on our society that love and reading about love is so easy to devalue. How it’s disturbing that Saw V (or whatever…and the fact that the movie exists and that there are several of them…) gets an R rating for depicting a woman being cut in half, while Blue Valentine is NC-17 for Ryan Gosling giving a woman oral sex.
Yes, I could go on about that. At length.
But instead I’m just going to answer the question: Why romance?
When I became a mother, I found I didn’t enjoy the TV shows I used to enjoy. I saw an episode of CSI where a baby was killed and I could never watch the show again. I used to read a lot of inspirational fiction, which certainly has merit, but after reading one too many where the woman lost her husband and all her children, or a baby was suddenly killed by a bee sting toward the end, I lost my taste for that as well.
That’s when I discovered Harlequin Romances. I knew they were ‘safe’. I knew it would end well. I knew they would end up together.
I don’t live in denial of life. I know how life is. Life is hard. Marriages end. People you love die. The son that is so perfect to you is diagnosed with autism. That last one is personal to me, and I know a lot of you know that.
If I’m going to step into another world for a few hours, I want to be uplifted. I want to see that no matter how bad things get, and that even if bad things happen, everything is really okay at the end.
As a writer, if I’m going to spend MY LIFE in these other worlds, then I will make them worlds filled with beautiful things. With characters who overcome ugliness with love. With handsome men and great sex and multiple orgasms and the kind of love that lasts for ever and I will NOT apologize for that.
It isn’t wrong to want to read that. It isn’t wrong to want to write it. Sadness isn’t superior to a happy ending. Hatred and violence are not more acceptable than love and sex. They shouldn’t be. And yet in our culture, I think often that’s how it’s perceived.
We as a culture fear sex more than violence. We elevate a commentary on the futility of life above books that depict the beauty in life. And as a result, those of us who love the romance genre are delusional for wanting a happy ending. Unrealistic for wanting a man who treats us like a human being and gives good foreplay.
Why romance? It reminds of the wonderful things in this world. It reminds me how fortunate I have to have my own personal hero. It reminds me of the rush of falling in love, and makes me want to recapture it…with the man I’m married to.
And simply? I choose to read and write romance because I love it. Really, that should be good enough.
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If I had anything left to be hormonal with I’d say I was hormonal. This made me wanna cry. *surreptitiously wipes eyes* Iz so true. I want to go somewhere beautiful and be absolutely 150% certain of my happy ending. Sometimes real life sucks and it’s nice to be reminded that there are beautiful things and happy ever afters.
Becoming a mom also put me off of violence in media, but my son’s autism diagnosis was definitely the turning point in my becoming a serious romance reader. A guaranteed happy ending became the best thing in the world.
Yep, this is such a good post and I echo Fiona and Willaful. Bad sh*t happens in life, I’ve had it happen to me. Which is why a lot of my reading these days is escapism. I want to read about people who need love getting it and everything working out in the end, and romance gives me that. And I should not have to justify that choice to anyone.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Fiona, you’re so very right. I want to know my happy ending is coming. I want to be able to care, unreservedly for this couple, knowing things will be all right in the end. I don’t want to be disappointed. I don’t want to waste my time being depressed about something needlessly! I want my HEA!!
Willaful, that was one of my moments that solidified it for me. I was actually starting my son’s autism evaluations when I sold to Harlequin and having the romances, to read and write, helped get me through. Knowing that for a few hours there was a world I could go to where everything was in my control, helped get me through.
Jackie, AMEN. We shouldn’t have to justify it. We have to live this life, why not revel in the beauty and not the sadness??
Lauren, thanks. 😀
Maisy, what an amazing post! Like Lauren, I love love love it too. We shouldn’t have to shy away form admitting we like to read/write romance. It’s an established and ever growing field within its own right and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of with enjoying a good ol’ HEA. Give me one of them over violence any day! X
Amen sister.
Maisey,
Bravo – well done – and exactly how most of us feel about romance writing/novels and life.
Well said!!!!!
I’m a little late but wishing you a very happy new year!!!
🙂
Thanks Marci, Diane and Joanne!!