Work, Life, Write, Balance

One of the things I get asked to blog about most is the work/family balance, and time management.

I don’t know that I’m an expert on the subject, but I DO have a family, and I do write a lot of books. 🙂 My kids are 6, 4, and 2 (currently potty training the youngest two…WHY!?) and my middle son has autism.

I’ll say upfront, my husband is a very involved dad with a work schedule that fluctuates. Sometimes he’s really busy (like now) but sometimes it works out where I get quite a few days of him home and me working. So…that doesn’t hurt.

When I first started writing, I did it at night. I did it when the kids went to bed, and sometimes, after my husband went to bed. I didn’t have a day job. I was a stay at home mom with two little ones. Sometimes I brought the little baby to Starbucks with me, and set his carseat by the table while I wrote. Sometimes I wore him in a wrap while I wrote.

Fast forward to now, and I can’t just write on nights and weekends. I write as a job, as my career. And it’s essential income to my family. That’s another reason it’s something I find easy to prioritize. I have to have this job for us to have things like a house and…food. We like those things. So choosing to spend time writing is an easy choice to make, because in many ways IT HAS TO BE DONE.

That gives some insight into how I prioritize my work and the function it serves in our lives as a whole. That being said, I have some general things/tips/stuff I’ve learned.

1. It doesn’t matter what it looks like from the outside in – Haters gonna hate. The sooner you learn that, the better. People will look at you and try to formulate a picture of your life based on how they see you in the parent line, on the internet or in the grocery story. They will judge you. They will decide you’re a mess. You don’t spent enough time with your kids. Sometimes they’ll even ask if you think you’re missing out by having a career/a pursuit/taking a breath without your kids attached to your ankles.

Those people don’t matter. Your family matters. But for the purposes of this blog post: YOU KNOW THAT. And no one loves your kids, your husband, your mom, more than you do. So the outsiders don’t get a say in how your balancing act works. And they don’t get to make you feel bad for how it’s going. If your home is happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?

2. Communication is key – Tell your husband. Tell your older kids. Tell your babysitter/nanny/whatever what you need time-wise and actively work to get it. Because it doesn’t work to sit there and stew while he plays Minecraft (trust me, I’ve tried). It just makes you mad, and in the end you’ll bite his head off. TELL him what you need. Likewise, hopefully your spouse, your children, etc will tell you what THEY need, and just like they should honor you, you should honor them. If they want you to put the computer away for the day (I have trouble with that sometimes…) you need to do it. (note: what I’m talking about here is different than dealing with a spouse or kids who don’t want you to do anything that’s not wiping their noses or making them steak. That’s a whole other topic. I’m talking about creating a reasonable and healthy family dynamic)

3. You have to readjust it – Monthly, weekly, daily, the balance needs to be readjusted. This has been the biggest realization for me. My kids don’t stay the same, their activities don’t stay the same. Sometimes my husband (who is wonderful, really) forgets that when I’m on a tight deadline we are a no Minecraft zone during my work hours. Sometimes *I* have to realize that the amount of writing time I want on a given week is unreasonable given the schedule we have going. And so we go back to the drawing board and figure out how we’re going to get it all done.

4. A Word From La Nora – I had the privilege of hearing Nora Roberts speak in a Q&A in Florida. The thing that stuck with me most is this (I’m repeating me. But it’s okay.) In life, we juggle glass balls and rubber balls. If we drop a rubber ball, it’ll bounce. If we drop a glass ball, it’s going to shatter. Some things in life are a rubber ball. We can let them bounce. Look at my house, I consider dusting a rubber ball. Yesterday was my husband’s birthday and I want to finish the book I’m working on…and badly. But my husband is glass. I’m not dropping that relationship. Decide what can slide for you, and hold tight to what can’t.

I truly believe that balance shifts. That what works one week won’t always work, but we redistribute the weight and go on. Before we do it again. Ultimately, if you’re happy, if your family is happy, I think you’re on balance.